6.28.16

So, I hooked up with boy toy this past weekend. I had the house to myself and I invited him over and we hooked up. And it was great. Like it was seriously great. I mean I was super nervous when he first got there and it felt weird to have him in my house and I was just really nervous about the whole thing but we just started making out and it felt amazing. It felt so good to feel him again and to be with him. He is just intoxicating and I can’t give him up. I don’t think I will ever be able to give him up until I move out of NJ unless of course he just cuts me out of his life, which I mean is possible. But the thing is, even though I know he is not committal and he doesn’t make me a priority, I have a feeling he likes the attention and likes how we are together. And I say that because of how when I pull back and let things fall to the wayside, he picks them back up and starts to play ball. Like this weekend, when I mentioned that it sucks that we can’t see each other and doesn’t really make sense for us to be texting if we aren’t going to see each other in person, he immediately tried to come up with a way to see me this week. So no he is not asking me out on dates constantly, or trying really hard to see me, or working for it which like yes I want all those things, but what I’m coming to terms with is the person who is offering all that matters. I have two guys who are taking me on dates and wanting to see me and making the effort and it honestly doesn’t matter to me. Yes I love getting drinks and I love having someone pay for me but honestly, I want boy toy to do it, not these other guys. And that is not going to change until I am no longer in this state.

On the other hand, I am actually looking to move out. The problem I am running into is Lindsey wants one thing and Alex and Amanda want another thing and if I feel like if I don’t get everyone on the same page it won’t work. I know that moving out may not be the best decision but at the same time all of my other friends are living on their own, which just makes me want to live on my own more and more. So hopefully this fall I will be moving out and I’ll be living with my best friends for awhile before I move out of the state.
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