6.6.16

Jenna’s wedding was two weekends ago and I can honestly say I had such an amazing time. I never knew how much fun a wedding could be. Even though being in the wedding was expensive I loved every minute of it. My escort was so cute and basically my soulmate but he lives in Orlando and has a girlfriend, so now he is the one that got away. And it was really nice to show Sam around Maine and to spend the weekend with her. Since I am working full time and she is now going to start working it was nice to be able to get to spend that time with her.

And then I made the really stupid decision of calling boy toy at the wedding. We talked for a while and I admitted that I missed him and a lot of other stuff that I really shouldn’t have. But he engaged in conversation the whole time. And now a week later I’m not really sure where things are headed. During the weekend wedding we talked a lot, and it was interesting because when he started drinking he started saying how much he missed me and how he had made a mistake in ending things. But then he backtracked the next day and made it seem like he wasn’t super interested in pursuing anything. Then this past weekend, I was drinking a lot (again… I really need to calm down on that) and reached back out to him. Okay, to be fair I was planning on reaching out to him because I didn’t necessarily like how things were left from the previous weekend and I just wanted the excuse of being out. And those messages swung back and forth between us kind of talking about what we are doing and just really inappropriate stuff. The rest of the weekend just felt like we were falling back into how things used to be when we were talking all the time. It just felt normal and nice. We technically made plans to see each other on Friday but I always feel like our plans are tentative, which I am not a super fan about but I can deal with that at another time.
When I think about what I want, I just want to feel validated. It’s not that I’m looking for something super serious and confining. I still want to move in a year and want to go do my own thing and have my own schedule but, I want someone to hang out with and to have to lean on. I’m actually very nervous for meeting up again because it just felt so comfortable talking to him this weekend and I just feel like I am going to fall into things so easily and I’m not sure if that is a good thing or not. I think it will be fine and I am hoping that it works out so we will see what happens.
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