7.8.16

The irregularity of my life continues. Last weekend was fourth of july weekend and I got out early Friday and then didn’t have to go back to work until Monday.When I was leaving work, I decided to send an innocent snapchat to boy alex just because I had been talking to his friend earlier in the week and it had been awhile. Surprisingly he was in the mood to talk so we ended up having a whole conversation which led to him letting me know that he would be in NYC for a night. So of course I ended up seeing him because when do I not see him. Ugh and that was great. He had a nice hotel room and a huge bed and he was all over me. It was just great. I barely slept and the next day literally didn’t do anything because I was exhausted but it was totally worth it.

With everything that has been going on with my ‘dating’ life, I have been talking to different people about it and at this point I feel like too many people have had input on it. The only people who I really want to hear the opinions from are my sister and butt. These two are the only people who are like I am not going to judge you, and I won’t be able to change your mind but I am not a big fan of boy toy. To top it off, Sis made the statement that has stuck with me the most. She said ‘you can’t not want a fuckboy if you are going to be a fuckboy’. Which I’ve never considered myself a fuckboy, but to be fair, the guys that I am talking to I am playing. No one knows that I am talking to other people, or that I am going on dates with someone or that I am sleeping with multiple people. They either don’t want to know, don’t care, or don’t think that I am capable of having more than one thing going on. Like yes, I think about boytoy more than anyone else but, I don’t know how I would respond if he asked me to be official. I just don’t know how or if that would work and I don’t really think it’s a trust thing but more of a I don’t know where he is with everything that is going on in his life and there can be so many things up in the air that I don’t know.
But, I also don’t feel bad about going back and forth between guys because honestly if they aren’t committing to me then I am not going voluntarily commit myself. There is no reason for me to limit myself because of how often I talk to boytoy or because I am going on dates with the other guy because they aren’t making an effort to commit to me. On another note, the amount that boytoy keeps coming back to me is the most satisfying thing. This week he is on vacation and I planned to reach out three days later to see how it was going and he reached out in two days. Then he dropped off, which isn’t the most appreciated thing but I let it slide, so then I planned on reaching out this weekend when I am planning on drinking a lot and having a good time in the city but then this morning I wake up from a snapchat from him last night and this morning and a text. He beat me to all of my punches this week and it felt great. I’m getting the vibe that he keeps touching base because he does’t want us talking to each other to end. Which I am totally fine with.
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