10.6.16

My birthday is in a week and it is amazing to think that a full year has come and gone. A lot has changed in the past year and yet a lot has stayed the same. I mean for one I am fully employed (in NJ no less), I am moving out of my parents house (to an apartment still in NJ… probably even more shocking), I go to the gym four times a week, have been to a lot of new places, am a godmother, and I have short hair. But then I think about how so many other things haven’t changed at all. Like I am still friends with the same people, still go out in New Brunswick way too much, still talking to the same guy (and still having it go no where), still stressed about when I am going to move out of NJ, and stressed about money.

It is amazing to think that I have gone through so many experiences and I feel like I have learned alot and yet I do not feel any closer to being an adult or having my life together. I still have no idea what my next step is or what I want to do with my life. And that in itself is such a hard and stressful question. I mean it is a little less worriesome because I do have a full time job in the field that I want to be in; however, I also know that I do not want to stay at my current job for forever because there are no opportunities for growth which makes things stressful. I don’t know where I want to move, only that I want to move out of state. I don’t know if I want to go back to school, although if I was to go back to school I would go to law school. I don’t know what my dream job is or what kind of things that I actually want to pursue and all of that is crazy seeing as I didn’t know those things when I was 18 and now at 23 I am still in the same place, but with a little more job experience.

But then again, I am excited that I am starting to budget and to make an effort to travel which is something that I have wanted to do for years but never felt that I was able to. I am taking control of my finances and slowly but surely am becoming more independent whihc is all part of the growing up process. It is also really encouraging to be surrounded by such an amazing support system. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have my family. They are such a big part of my life and even though there was some downfalls to living at home for so long, there were a lot of experiences that I got to be a part of that I wouldn’t have if I was far away. I think it was really good to get be a stay at home sister for Jules again and to just continue to see her grow into the person she is going to become. I honestly am really thankful for this time at home and I think when I look back at it when I am older I will realize that I took it for granted.

Luckily for me, it is not just my family that I have to be thankful. I have amazing coworkers that help me get through every single day. And even though I don’t have a lot of friends in the area and most of the times I am a loser, but the friends that I do have are irreplaceable. Just having them always supporting me, sharing my frustrations, and going through similar situations makes everything better and easier to handle.

Although, I still have a lot to learn, like how to be more assertive at work, how to be a better staffer, how to not deal with fuck boys (ugh), I have to say that 22 was pretty good to me. And the best part now is that I will always be the youngest. So as we continue to barrel towards older ages, I have a few months of catch up time before I actually get there.

Anyways! I cannot wait for my birthday next week as I have been excited now for two months for it. It is going to be great to celebrate 23 with amazing people by my side and to see what this next year brings. It’s a little weird to reflect about another year passing as the new year is coming up and I will probably want to talk about again, but I just still couldn’t believe how it is possible that so much can change in one year and yet so much can still be the same.

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