12.31.16

I have been meaning to write for awhile with different subject areas and venting moments that I wanted to share, but most of the time I just didn’t know what to say. It is ironic when looking at my last post I reflected on my year as a 22 year old and now I want to reflect on just the past year in general.

2016 might not have been a good year for the world, but for me it was pretty incredible. I feel like I am about to repeat a lot of what I talked about in my last post, and I should definetely get better about writing about daily occurances than just reflecting every couple  months but I really do believe that self-awareness is key in succeeding in life. So I am going to reflect again.

2016 started out pretty shaky. I was still unemployed, living with my parents, just finishing up an internship in the governmental sector which I refused to tell anyone about because I didn’t want to be the girl who was just working at barnes and noble, and basically totally lost about what I wanted to do. I remember for months just aggressively applying to any and every job which I came across. I would go to Starbucks, or Panera, or another Barnes and Noble; pretending to be at my intership but instead just applying to jobs, hoping something would stick. In the middle of January, something did stick and I ended up with three interviews for a job in the nonprofit world. I remember going down to DC for the interview and being super nervous and excited and just wanting it to work out. I remember not getting that job and then going through the same process with a different office only to be denied by them as well. I remember waking up in the middle of the night in a panic, thinking that I should be doing more. Writing more emails, contacting more people, sending out more resumes. When I think about how many cover letters I wrote and how many applications I actually sent out, it makes me sick. I remember being so desperate and so lost that the only thing that I could think of was to move to the area where I wanted to live. Thinking about my decision to pack up and move to DC now seems insane. I had barely any money, still no job prospects, no place to live. The only thing that I had was that I was going to start working at a Barnes and Noble (part time) in NOVA and possibly start using a temp agency. Again I seriously do not know what I was thinking, but I also remember being beyond desperate to start doing something with my life. I needed to be more proactive than I was being and that was the step that I wanted to take. In the end I obviously got hired back in NJ and ended up bringing all my stuff back home, and started working full time in the office which I interned for. It is the running joke that I needed to move to DC in order to find a job in NJ. But, even though things didn’t work out in the way in which I planned, I still am proud of the fact that I made the decision to move and followed through with it. I was willing to do it and I went for it and most people can’t say that they would be able to do that.

So now that I am fully employed, so many other doors began opening up to me. For one, I make a good deal more than when I was working at Barnes and Noble. Enough to move out of my parents house and live in an apartment on my own. I have been able to finance five vacations this year. Maine, Ocean City, San Diego, Disney, and Guadeloupe. I have started to put money away for my step. I am hoping to start a retirement account next year. And I hope to continue to be able to explore the world and create memories rather than owning more items. I started going to the gym regularly, which although I have fallen off the bandwagon a little bit during the holiday season, I am excited to get back on the horse next week and to continue to push myself so that I see results (particularly in my ass).

As for my social life, things have been gererally been great. I have reconnected with some people from high school who I didn’t talk to much during college but by living in our hometown it is nice to reconnect. I have made sure to continue to nurture my old friendships, both from high school and college. Although it is hard sometimes and I have to do a better job with some of my college friends, I will say that I think I have done better than most especially considering that my college is 5 hours away and most of my friends live out of state. I still have a great relationship with my family. I became a godmother which is just amazing and I cannot be thankful enough. I got a tattoo, which I mean come on is HUGE! I have been seriously talking about getting a tattoo since my senior year of college. And every year since then I talk about it, but continued to put it off. But for some reason this was the time that I decided I really wanted to go through with it. Not only did I get a tattoo, but I somehow convinced my sister and two best friends to get tattoos on the same day as me. Not many people can say that they went to a tattoo parlor with their sister and best friends and got tattoos (espeically their very first ones) all together. That in itself was incredible.

And finally my dating life. This is probably the most and least interesting part of what happened during this year. I started off the year casually pursuing a relationship with a guy who had been a previous fuck buddy. I then decided to move which ended that relationship. I continued to talk to my long distance fuck buddy. Drove three hours one time to get laid, which was honestly just dumb but hey we all do crazy things for sex sometimes. I then embarassingly drunk texted my first fuck buddy which things up again but, this time it wasn’t a relationship, just a friends with benefits thing. Then the friends with benefits thing ended which means I went back to my long distance fuck buddy. And then the friends with benefits reappeared which is when I decided that I wasn’t going to put any effort into that relationship seeing as it never worked.. So for the past five months we have been pretty regularly talking and the past three months we now see each other once a week. All the while, I have gone on a few other dates with some other guys here and there, have gotten a few phone numbers, made out with a few other guys, but nothing really serious. Some days I am really happy with where I am, while other days I hate it. What keeps me grounded in the whole thing is the fact that I have an exit strategy. That I know how I am going to end this thing and so I won’t be stuck in a pseudo relationship for forever. I just sometimes wish that boys had a better sense of their feelings and acted on those rather than what society tells them is cool or rather than being afraid of something going wrong. What is frustrating is the obviousness of someones feelings, particulary with friend with benefits boy but his downright denial of them/ no attempt on acting on it. But other than that it has been a very interesting adventure.

So 2016 was actually vey good to me. And I am excited to work hard and fight for the things that I want to achieve in 2017. It may be a new year, but honestly it is the same me and I am going to continue to be lost and confused on some things but also prove to myself that anything I want can be achieved.