2.7.17

I’ve noticed that quite recently, driving time has become self-reflection time. I rant to myself about things that bothered me in the day, I replay scenarios (some real, some that I wish would happn), but most of the time I think about how lucky I am to be in the position that I am in while also wonder how I can possibly old enough to be playing the role of an adult. I mean it isn’t really playing a role, I am an adult. I work a 8:30-5:30 eveyday, I pay rent, I do laundry once a week, and now have a routine. I feel like I have finally reached a point where I have taken control of most aspects of my life.

Even though I am happy with what I am doing right now, it always feels like I need to be and should be doing more. I feel like I should be taking on more responsiblity at work and sometimes it feels as if I am doing the bare minimum which frustrates me. At the same time though, doing more sometimes is exhausting and if I am only focused on improving myself at my job than other aspects of my life feel like they have to suffer. I also have no idea what I want my next step to be. I know for certain that I do not want to be in NJ next fall. By the fall, I will be living in NJ since graduation for two years and three months and honestly I think enough is enough. I never wanted to be the girl from high school that stayed in the area. I went to school five hours away, clearly I’ve always had a drive to leave my comfort zone and try something new. As much as I am learning and growing as an adult here, it just feels as if nothing really happens here. There are no people to meet, no where to go out, and no place to meet people. At the end of the day, my friends in the area are mostly from my high school as is my hookup buddy. I look at other groups of friends who haven’t left and I look down upon them, but honestly how can I when I am doing the exact same thing. It is not that I feel like I have something to prove to anyone, it is just that it feels like there is more opporunities outside of the state versus inside.

So, I have started to really think about what moving to California would look like for me. I’ve started thinking about different job opporunities out there, what a move would look like, thinking about how much it would cost me, etc. I think being out in California for two or three years would be an incredible experience. It could be great not only my career but also for personal growth. If not Cali, then definetely DC. I mean I already planned on moving there once and then got the job offer here in NJ but after the time that I have spent at my job, I think that finding a job would not be as discourgaing as the first time around. So the next six months are all about me figuring out what I want to do and how I am going to accomplish it. A lot of the time it feels super daunting but I think with enough time and commitment, I will be doing something great come September.