7.21.17

I officially have a boyfriend. I haven’t said those words in almost 3 years. This whole thing is really exciting and nerve-wracking but honestly I have not felt like this in such a long time and I don’t really know what to do about it. Basically the other day I had off so I went down to his shore house and we grabbed dinner and walked on the beach together and then we hung out with his roommate and grabbed a few drinks and it was honestly just perfect. It didn’t feel forced or weird or like we were trying too hard. It was just really nice to be spending time with him and doing something other than spending time in bed. Before we went to bed, he told me that he was really happy about us and what we are doing. He was like when I took time after we talked and thought about never seeing you again, I got the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach and I realized I didn’t want to stop seeing you. And when I thought about us being together it felt like yeah that could work. He ended the conversation saything thanks for kicking my butt into shape and making me get my shit together. Not only did we have such a great day, but then he told me all of that and I couldn’t stop smiling.

So a couple days later, my friends were talking about going to a bar which is near his shore house. For some reason, the entire time that my friend was talking about going out I was just getting stressed out and worried. It was stressing me out knowing that I was going to be so close to boy toy without him knowing. I decided rather than freaking out, to tell him like a normal person and when I told him he was just like soooo I might meet you out, do you want to sleepover. And that’s exactly what happened. I went out with my two friends and we met up with boy toy and it was just great. We were causally drinking at first, and he started talking about future plans and that in itself just made me insanely happy. It was nice to be talking about future stuff and to hear him thinking about me in things he is planning on doing in the future. A little later I left him to go dance with my friends and of course while we were dancing there was a group of guys encroaching on us. One of them defintely wanted to dance with alex but we were all surrounded but all of a sudden, boy toy comes out of no where and starts putting on the major moves basically pushing all the other guys out of the way. I started dying becasue it was so funny how perfectly executed his plan was. So I got to dance with my man and then later he walked me around to show me other parts of the bar (which was huge by the way). At one point we were just kinda hanging out and making out and he told me he’s not huge into pda, which I would say I am totally okay with. I don’t need to be looking like I am about to have sex on a bar. But the way he said it was a little weird, because he was like I’m not really into pda but all I want to do is kiss you. So we might have to explore that one a little bit more. He also told about how when he told one of few mutual friends that we have that we were offiical and becoming more serious that the guy was like just like finally, it’s about time. So boy toy started going on about how he was such an idiot and that he didn’t mean to be an asshole. I was just like you have nothing to apologize for. After we got back to the house at the end of the night he brough up both things again. The pda thing he was like I’m not really comfortable with it and I was like that’s fine we don’t have to do it and his response was we are in a relationship and just because I don’t really want to do something doesn’t mean we can’t do it. Sooo not really sure what conclusion we came up with there. I kinda feel like he’s talking about being pda around people that we know. Like not being that couple that is super coupley when they are hanging out with other people. He also was just like I feel like such an idiot. I waited around for so long and was an asshole to you and I really hope I shut that one down. I was just like stop there is nothing to apologize for, we were single and it’s fine. This is not something that you have to worry about or think about.

At one point we both mentioned that we trust each other and that we aren’t worried about anything weird like that happening. I also was like can we never become a lame couple. I don’t want to be that couple that never does anything apart or always goes home early and people don’t really want to hang out with. I want to be a couple that people like third wheeling with us because they always have a good time. I don’t know the whole evening was really nice and it just feels like he really is taking this seriously which makes me excited to see how things go.

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